


Shopping List

by double_negative



Category: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Gen, POV Second Person, Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-03-28 16:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13907772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/double_negative/pseuds/double_negative
Summary: a short fill for a kink meme prompt:"nny and edgar go grocery shopping."





	Shopping List

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write an AU where they both are murderers for the hell of it, but it's also inspired by the prompt.

Edgar was always like that. He's about logic, efficiency, turnout. You admire him the most of all people, which is not much when you actually think about it, because most people you vehemently hate, but Edgar is nice enough to be around almost daily. You never would have thought you'd find yourself in a relationship, because your last one ended with an attempted murder and a kick to the face, but Edgar is more than able to stand up for himself.

Because no one really expects Edgar to be a killer too.You meet over choosing the same victim, a corrupt member of the city council and you almost fight over who gets to stab the unfortunate fucker before deciding you can do it together. As it turns out you have completely different reasons for that particular murder, since the dude just spilled very hot coffee at you in the coffeshop, but also voted for building a parcing lot in place of Edgar's favourite park. You decide that while Edgar has more of a concrete reason to enact bodily harm, you put more emotion into the act, so you're basically even. You have been even since. 

Edgar fascinates you. When Edgar murders, it's methodical. It's all about pragmatism and logistics, he thinks of a plan and carries it out without as much as a single droplet of blood falling in the wrong place. It's good to have someone like that on your side, especially when your own brain is riddled with holes and troubled by delusions, because someone is always there for you to fall back onto.

Someone is there to make a grocery list and drive you out to the store, so you have food and don't starve. Shopping with Edgar is a lot like murdering with Edgar, you just have to try to listen to him as best you can and follow what he says, so the things don't end up in a complete wreck. No matter how much you try, they will anyway. Because when Edgar asks you to lend a hand and tie his victim, not knowing better, and you start monologuing about ethical consumption under capitalism (the poor sap was a bank teller) and completely forget about the rope, so you two have to chase the victim around the entire basement, essentially doing what your parents probably should have thought you not to do - running with knives... Speaking about knives.Edgar should be writing a shopping list right about now.

 "I... might need another meat cleaver", you offer as apologetic as you ever get, some poor attempt at puppy dog eyes, your body already starting to curl defensively in anticipation of Edgar's reaction. Edgar stops in the middle of a word and looks at you disapprovingly.

"Another one? You can't keep leaving them with bodies, you know, you have to get them back and use them multiple times. It's just wasteful".

You know he's right, but you never were the one who remembers things like that, that's why you keep Edgar around in the first place. "If I promise you I keep track of them, can I get a new one?"

Edgar scoffs and shakes his head, incredulously, "If you can keep one for more than a week, I'll bake you a pie".

"Cherry one?", you immidiately uncurl from your guarded position at the promise of Edgar's home-baked goods (he's as good at following recipes and getting them exactly right as he is in slitting just the right artery).

"Cherry one, sure", Edgar agrees, jotting down something on his list. You almost jump for joy - he must be noting down the pie ingredients, but when you circle back around him, the list just says the usual, detergent, tofu, tomatoes and now a "knife for Nny".

Edgar offers you a small smile, "Don't get too far ahead of yourself, you'll have to keep your promise. So... what flavout of Pop Tarts this time?"

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is so short (and also sucks a lot), but I am only starting to write for JtHM and well, I tried. I haven't been writing a lot recently because of some personal issues, but hopefully I would be lucky enough to get motivation to write a couple more meme fills.


End file.
